O, wad some Power the giftie gie us
To see oursels as others see us!
Once I found my career niche (running my own business), I happily watched and learned from others, and went looking for ideas and advice when I needed them. Keeping eyes and ears open in the direction of those who are successful in your field is one of the important ways to grow. My business was in a field where collaboration was common, and there was a culture of support between similar businesses around the country. Sometimes we all learned together; sometimes we were able to learn from each other.
There is another type of advice from that which you actively seek. I’m talking, of course, about unsolicited advice. When I was a kid, one of the Scottish sayings that came out of my mother’s mouth on a regular basis was a quote from Robbie Burns:
‘O, wad some Power the giftie gie us
To see oursels as others see us!’
This is, of course, a classic reminder, in the dour Scottish tradition of telling children not to get too big for their boots, that it is an enormous favour to see ourselves as we appear in the eyes of others, for then we have the opportunity to fine-tune our behaviour and become better people. Mum would follow up the quote with something quite succinct about something that she didn’t like. I realise now that this felt like judgement, and that is how I absorbed it. Sad to say, I don’t recall praise as the adjunct to these words.
The author being constrained by his mother in 1959. Too young to take advice, so put on a leash until further notice.
It came as a surprise when I realised that I had built a wall of ego around myself. I am not going to analyse that here, but I understand now that I was trying to protect myself from the consequences of being judged. I remember the embarrassment I felt the first few times when I was evaluated at Toastmasters. I can remember even going to the extent of placing my face in my hands as my arms rested on the table in front of me, and pretending to concentrate. In reality, I was hiding from the gift I was being given, fighting to separate well-intended advice from judgement. This seems odd, since evaluations are solicited advice, like the advice I sought in business. But they felt like they were unsolicited, because of course a Toastmasters evaluation is personal; it is the gift of seeing ourselves as others see us. Gradually I have come to listen eagerly for what my evaluators say. Toastmasters has taught me that other people can have valid views about what you do; views that are not judgement, but support. Today I watch other members go on their personal growth tracks through evaluation and self-reflection, and I can look back and see my own growth. I completely accept the power of advice given in the right spirit by sincere people.
It came as a surprise a few years ago when a fellow club member offered me advice on an approach I was taking to getting members’ engagement. I wanted to hammer the Promise, but, bringing his wisdom to what I was proposing, he pointed out how that could put off members who were not familiar with it. He suggested a more piecemeal approach of encouragement, with the Promise in the background. I realised that he was right in context, and amended my plans. I thanked him for what he said, and once again was able to appreciate the value of unsought advice from appropriate people. Today I routinely thank people when they give me the gift of their views. I am reminded of another saying:
Advice sought is good, but advice unsought is better.
Are you thankful for advice that comes when you least expect it? I encourage you to embrace the wisdom of those you respect and use it to reflect and grow. Burns, of course, was entirely right. To see ourselves from the point-of-view of others in powerful gift.
Ohariu Toastmasters 